Family Friday with Kamy Moss: Confessions of a Sports Mom

Ryan and Liam, being only 15 months apart in age, have always played the same sport on the same team at the same time.  It provides consistency in my life and they have in no way ever asked to do things different.  As their Mommy, I like this concept. It’s not just the simplicity of it that I love, it’s the comfort I get in knowing they are sharing these experiences together.  The fact that I only have to worry about one practice and one game creates a oneness in my life.  I do realize sports won’t always be this way forever for my boys. There will come a time when things will become more competitive and age and grade will play a factor.  Until we reach that time, my goal was to keep our family inside of a “sports bubble”.

However, a few days ago Ryan decided to pop that bubble for me.  It all started with those four words that no parent likes to hear, in any situation…“I don’t want to.”

Those four words were what my son Ryan told me when I mentioned it was time to give baseball a try. After 2 seasons of soccer and 3 seasons of football at our local YMCA, my determined 6 year old stood his ground and told me “I don’t want to”. Now, my boys are extremely close and hate to do things apart from one another so I did not anticipate his fortitude when it came to deciding on our next activity. He knows his younger brother is obsessed with baseball and has been biding his time until he could get out on that field and swing a bat.  Still, he has decided, in all his glory, to stand up to me. With no disrespect, Ryan has plainly told us that he loves soccer and asked, “Can’t we just play soccer this time?” My reaction? Wow…I was speechless and really had to think about that one.

It has been a long time coming, and I predict that this is only the beginning of a wave of independence.  I am under no illusion that they desire to be identical all the time even though they still choose to wear matching clothes once in awhile. I have seen many things change in our lives over the past year or so. When Ryan started school, Liam was home and enjoyed his time to discover, play, and imagine all on his own.  He took pleasure in not having to share his Legos or his mommy for a few hours each day. But once Ryan came home, it was as if he had gone on a month long journey to the moon and they embraced with all their might saying how much they missed each other and catching up on what they did during their time apart. It was amazing to watch and it got me thinking about the sibling bond. It pushed me to keep them connected as they got older, started school, and made separate friends.  Sports were the thing they did together all the time.  Trying to prolong the inevitable push for independence from one another was my ticket in trying to keep the “same” in my life.  Consistency was something I could cling to as everything else appeared to be pulling them in different directions.

When is it time to let them go from being kids who play together to kids who enjoy watching each other play?  From being the same to being different?  As for me, it is hard to answer. I am an only child and have always found the bond that siblings share to be the most intriguing and puzzling thing to witness.  I see them hug and cuddle while watching a movie but I also see them fight over the Wii and who stripped all the sheets off the bed. I am fairly certain that is normal kid behavior, right? But is it magnified for siblings? Does the bond make the meaning behind the hugs and the fights, stronger? I really don’t know. Yet, I do know that learning to share in each others experiences doesn’t always mean you have to play the same role. There are lessons to be learned as a player and a spectator which are both valuable for all children.

 What I think this all comes down to is that siblings are not the same. Whether they are twins, 15 months apart, or 5 years a part, I should have been more prepared for the day when one of them would call me on the “sameness” of their lives. I see it now and I am okay with it. Especially since I have come to realize that despite the fact that they are not the same they are not entirely different either.  Both of my boys love to build things, make craft projects, enjoy watching WWE, and they both LOVE sports, which is something my husband is extremely proud of.  If I am to be honest their love of sports also makes me ecstatic! So why the concern? Maybe it is me because as a parent, I think we crave reliability in our daily lives. If things are predictable and steady, our daily routine seems to flow and we feel successful.  It isn’t until those four little words become part of our kid’s vocabulary that we start to lose that stability.

 “I don’t want to.”  Such a simple sentence but there is power in it especially when your child looks you in the eye and says it with conviction. It means they have learned to put a voice to their feelings and that is the beginning of real communication with your kids. Ryan wants to play soccer. Liam wants to play baseball. Two practices, Two games, Two kids. Makes sense, right? Why didn’t I see that from the beginning?

 So, here we are….back to my spring dilemma which now turns out not to be much of a dilemma anymore. Both of my boys want to do different things and it took my 6 year old to open my eyes to the wonder of it. He stood up to me and voiced his opinion and questioned the way things have been over the last few years. He wants to play a different sport than his brother and I’m going to let him.  It is time to embrace their separate interests and let them experience each other in a new way. It is also time for a Mommy to release the idea of simplicity in parenting. No two days are the same so why would we ever think two kids would be. Here I am…surrendering the “same” in my life.  

Why?? Because in reality, my boys are not and never will be the same.

Looking forward to a new season of life…PLAY BALL!